What does it mean when I feel like I’m breaking boundaries
I feel like I’m battling an issue, Feel like I can’t continue and maybe I just need a tissue
Handed to me,
Maybe it’s something in her that I prefer, or the way I like to hear her scream moan and purr
Or maybe it’s just the conversations that we have.
I remember a conversation I had with her I said to her ‘Baby be strong’
She said ‘Easier said than done right’
I said ‘I wish I was there to hold you’
And she said ‘I wish you were here too’
But I wasn’t, I was the missing constant, Guess I never got the hint
I just know I’m growing up every day and I’m not the man I was yesterday
I still remember being 5 holding onto my mother
Being 21 and seeking wisdom from my father
Now nearly 30 and still I have a lot to discover
And I wonder, how much older do I have to get to be the man that I want to be
Never seeing that in the eyes of them, I was the man holding onto my mother at 5 when she needed me, seeking wisdom from my father when he needed a man to share himself with and now nearly 30 the man with a fortune of life experiences and words of wisdom to be uncovered.
‘I know I’m distant right now, but I want you to do me a favor, close your eyes, imagine me, in that tub, with you, wrapping you in my arms, holding you, cause I am, and it puts me at ease’
She said ‘My anxiety tub?… could use you’
I said ‘I’d absorb every tear that drops on my skin and warm you with protection that emanates from my body’
She said ‘I am pretty cold…it’s freezing in here’
I told her ‘I promise I’ll be the arms that come from behind to hold you. And tell you. I’ll be home to you soon and that it’s going to be okay.’
She said ‘I wish you were home’.
Going through life it only gets harder, makes me feel like I have some kind of manic disorder
I keep having to reach farther, but my arms are growing shorter
I still remember the drunken nights, the drunken fights, the insecurities that kept him inside
I become the dream of a life he imagined. Like a dragon I happen to breathe my passions with actions but seeing him crashing, those images flashing, yet he kept acting while our family was gasping for air when he left us with his ashes, like rashes over my memories our thoughts of him constantly clashes with our today.
I told her ‘You’re my life, I feel you. You’re my highs and lows. I’m myself; But so much more with you. You are essential to my love, I want to protect you, I want to give you good love, anything to make you strong, to make you love, to make you us, to make me yours.’
The right words are coming out, there isn’t a doubt
I’m growing old but I’m not slowing, no this is the time I see myself glowing
I’m becoming more of the man I want to be, I’m learning what kind of man I want to be
Guess that’s what happens when you feel like you’re breaking boundaries
This is what it means when I feel like I’m breaking boundaries
And I am breaking boundaries.
Keeth Ratnes 2016-05-08